First day
It’s day 1.
You don’t know where the bathroom is.
You’ve been to this hospital before. Shit, you thought you knew what you were doing on your Sub-I. You got a great rec. What the fuck is the dose of tylenol? Can you do 4 grams in a day? or is it 3? Shit shit shit. You put your order in, best guess.
The phone rings. Your heart rate is 150. Is that RVR or sinus tach? Fuck.
“Yes this is Dr. Moore,” You don’t sound sure though.
“Moore?”
“Yes, Moore.”
“Moore what?”
“No. that’s me I’m Moore”
“Moore what?”
“Are you trying to reach the trauma intern for team one?”
“Oh, no sorry wrong number.”
“Okay.” They already hung up.
Where the hell is the bathroom? You’re looking down the list of to-do’s the team signed out. There’s so many patients, you don’t remember anything they said during sign out. Who needed their urine output checked, again? Your checkbox is hovering between two different patients. Well, better check both their urine outputs then.
The phone rings.
“Yes this is Dr. Moore.”
“Oh yeah, I was trying to reach you.” It’s the same voice as last time.
“My patient is tachycardic, and has more pain -” The phone cuts out.
“Hello? Where are you calling from? Who is the patient?”. Theres a jumbled sound of static and beeping on the oher end, there’s another conversation going on in the background and you can’t hear.
“Hello?”
They’ve already hung up. Shit shit shit.
———-
it’s 3 am. You call the senior.
“Hi, i just got. a call this patients lactate is 5.1, what umm, what do you think I should do.”
“Well, why don’t you tetll me their story.”
“Right, well um, they’re a 40 year old, trauma, MVC from a week ago, they had a right colectomy, umm…” You rattle off their information.
“Alright, what do you want to do?” The senior asks.
Shit what is this a fucking quiz, why can’t they just help you. Stupid son of a-
“You’re a doctor now. You have to come up with a plan for this patient. So what do you want to do.”
You want to reach through the phone and slap them. This is not the time for pop quizzes, dammit, this is the time for answers and help and, and did he just say I was a doctor? What kind of sick joke…
“Um, well, I want to give him fluid?”
“Looks like he went to the OR with ortho for his pelvis a few hours ago.” The voice on the other end of the line says…leading question….?
Shit, you should have mentioned that.
“Oh yeah, that’s, that’s why we got labs.” You say kind of lamely.
“Well there’s no hemoglobin. So what do you want to do.”
And on and on, a conversation that feels equal parts embarassing and unhelpful. You check the labs, you give some fluid. The patient does fine.
———-
It’s 4am.
The phone rings.
“Yes, this is trauma one.”
“Hey Dr. Moore, It’s Dr. Jones.” Oh shit it’s the attending, have they figured out I’m an idiot?? Did I Kill someone?
“Yes Dr. Jones, Ma’am, how can I help?”
“Do you want to come help me do a diagnostic lap?”
The answer is obvious. No, you have to check on 30 more patients you don’t know, you still haven’t checked that urine output, But you want to be a surgeon right? Although you are seriously re-thinking it now.
“Yes ma’am, I’ll be right there,” You say, unenthusiastically.
“And Dr. Moore,” the tone is less friendly, “Don’t call me Ma’am” Shit, is she mad at you? But that’s how you were taught to address women senior to you. Shit. Have you managed to disgrace yourself before you even got to the OR? Shit shit shit.
“Um yes, Ma- I mean, yes Dr. Jones.” Shit shit shit.
——
It’s 7am. The sun is up. You survived. More importantly, so did your patients. You did your first case of residency. You smile. Maybe, maybe this won’t be so bad. You found the bathrooom too.